and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He better not be in your backpack
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
