I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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