Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
