Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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