Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
