hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
