i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think i have two assholes
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
