And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
