My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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