so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
