Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
