what day is it and did you see me today?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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