I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
