bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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