Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
