omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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