so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
