I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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