They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
