If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
