This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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