i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
