I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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