I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
