you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
