just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
