I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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