Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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