He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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