Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
