you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
