It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Porn is love you can see.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
