You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
