Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
