you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
