I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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