dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
