I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
