it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
