Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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