he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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