I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
