Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
