No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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