What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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