i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
