my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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