Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
