Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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