The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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