Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
