I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Found your dick twin last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
