he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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