I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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