Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
