Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
