my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
