I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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