if i died would you start the facebook group?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
