Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
