If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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