I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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