I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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