i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
