your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
