So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
