What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
