That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
