Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.