I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.