Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something