i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
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I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing