I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
high people should be assigned attendants
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
