dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance