So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you will always have a special place in my vag
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?