We named our party play list daddy issues
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....