A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.