Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
