Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
