Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
