Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
