brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
