he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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