just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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